Instagramming Some Skeletons in my Closet
Dance of Death, by Michael Wolgemut (1493)
My relationship with the Internet and social media are evolving. I have friends and clients who can spend hours unpacking the minutiae of their Facebook proclivities. On the surface it seems so arbitrary, even boring. But not so. Our relationships to the Internet and social media are highly symbolic of our inner struggles and ongoing narratives.
Allow me to share an embarrassing story. Last week a person from my past popped into my head before bed. I thought, “I’ll just look her up on Instagram real quick.” Another, wiser part of myself said, “Heidi, this is so low vibe, don’t bother.” But my curiosity got the better of me and I began searching and scrolling… and scrolling. In my curiosity for answers to pointless questions from over a decade ago, I inadvertently double clicked an image. Nooo! I had now randomly liked an image from 100 weeks ago posted by someone I had known for maybe 1.5 years when I was 21 years old. Awesome. I quickly unliked, said a prayer to my guides, took some Alaskan Essences Guardian Angels remedy, and went to bed.
Alaskan Essences Guardian Remedy, always on the bedside table
Sometimes my litany of issues—real and perceived—wakes me from my slumber around 3am. It’s like there’s a symphony playing inside my head. On this night, however, it was more like a cacophony of squeaky horns and an out-of-tune piano. Even with years of practice with presencing and grounding techniques, I still sometimes go straight into my head when these kinds of internal conflicts arise. To catch myself I have to breathe deeply, put my hand on my heart or belly, and ask to connect with the part of me that’s having a hard time.
On this night, I was able to connect with a part that is actually quite new. Usually when Focusing, the parts that come up are very old. They stem from conflicts buried deep in our unconscious and subconscious ego structures. This new part that I connected with looked like padded armor—almost like what football players wear. It extended around my shoulders. Its purpose, it told me, was to protect me.
With Focusing, the image of armor comes up a lot. The explanation is simple enough: our ego structures create armor as a form of self-defense. The armor can live on our physical, mental, or emotional bodies—or any combination of the three. (Occasionally this protective covering will exist outside the field, in which case Entities or other astral influences are usually present.) I commonly see it around people’s hearts, chests, and necks, It is always connected to the chakra governing that area of the body.
The purpose of this new armor was very clear to me: It is there to assist me as I interact with technology, specifically the Internet and social media. And it showed me that it’s connected to a point around my throat chakra—between my head and my heart. When I’m not making choices in my heart, the frequency of my decision will be intercepted and this football padding will get engaged.
Then something wild happened: the Armored Part showed me a collection of skeletons in my subconscious closet! I was surprised to see some of these old characters still hanging around, but alas there they were just waiting for me to invite them closer.
So now what?
I just let them all be there—the Armored Part and the Skeletons. I listened to the skeletons, and watched them move about. They weren’t there to scare me, but to remind me that I am carrying them in my field. I let them know I saw and heard them. I thanked them and said goodbye. Not like goodbye forever, but goodbye until next time.
After a few minutes, the cacophony quieted, as it usually does when I take the time to validate whatever part of me needs attention, and I fell softly back to sleep. Though I couldn’t hit edit + delete in my brain, I had heard and understood the unconscious energetics at play around the unfortunate decision I made earlier in the night. There was nothing more to sort out, for now anyway. And if the Armored Part or the Skeletons need another meeting with me then we would tackle that later.
Back to Instagram: I’ll never know if the girl I was searching found out about my trolling. But I figure the worst-case scenario is that she saw it and got a good laugh. Lesson learned and valuable Internet Armored Part, mind-heart connection point, and Skeletons acknowledged.
There was a time when I wanted to completely reject the Internet. It can be useful for personal study, and it provides convenient opportunities to connect with friends, but otherwise it seemed anathema to all that I believe in. But over time, I’ve come to believe that technology is just a tool. It is neutral. We control whether it is positive or negative, used for good or bad. I also recognized that just automatically casting it aside was kind of a bypass for me.
Plus, the Internet provides us with an opportunity to understand a new facet of our lives—it’s just another field where the stories of ourselves are playing out. So it’s really just an opportunity to be more accountable and impeccable. Every decision to engage online is a choice point—from shopping for shoes to searching for spiritual support. I, for one, am not interested in giving away more energy and power to online activities that aren’t giving me anything back. Is this activity inspiring? Does it have value? Is it supporting someone else? Is it supporting my highest good? My Armored Part and the point between my head and heart remind me that I need to check in with them regularly. Otherwise I run the risk of getting woken up again by that atonal symphony. It’s pretty simple actually: Be more conscious, even when it comes to something as insignificant as being on your phone.